Hospital time?

Tomorrow is my next Peri appointment and I'm taking all of my hospital stuff with me. I was hoping to put off my admission into the hospital until Friday so that I could help David with Margaret's 15 month appointment on Thursday. But as it is now, I'm not getting as much down time during the day as I feel I need. I can tell because I get crampy at the end of the day. I've also been having a lot more contractions.

So, depending on my measurement I may go ahead and check into the hospital tomorrow afternoon. I'm expecting that I will be right around 1.0cm. Ugh. Only a little over 3 weeks until I reach the magic 28. Seems so far away.

Viability and other News!

Today I am officially 24 weeks pregnant and the baby is now considered viable... or able to live outside the womb. Though, if he were born now, his chances still aren't great and the risk of long-term problems is very high. Our next big milestone is 28 weeks when the survival statistics are much better and long-term problems are less likely. I am counting every day as a milestone, though, because at this stage of pregnancy, every day the baby is inside increases his survival odds by 3%. This is a crucial time.

That being said, I had another appointment with my perinatologist yesterday. My cervix continues to shorten and funnel more despite my strict bedrest at home. The length of my cervix is now 1.6-1.7 cm down from 2.6 two weeks ago. The doc gave me the option of going into the hospital yesterday but I declined after listening to his reasoning for waiting. I plan to go in next week if I am offered that option again... and I will be.

I did not receive my steroid shots this week because the doctor does not feel as though delivery is immanent. And he says the longer you wait to get the shots, they better they tend to work. So we will see how things look next week and make a decision from there. Based on the change seen in my cervix since my last appointment, the doctor says he estimates my delivery to be around 28 weeks. Not terrible but certainly not what I had hoped for. I'm still praying for 32.

So that's my news and I will now resume doing a whole lot of nothing....

Today I want to be happy

So the bad news will wait until tomorrow.

Today is my baby girl's first due date birthday!! She officially one year adjusted age and her Mama's pride and joy.

I can't believe how fast time has passed and how big she has gotten.

Here is a year ago:


And now:

Arrangements that I Hate

Yesterday and today I have been making arrangements to have all the things I normally do be done by someone else.

We found a daycare for Margaret. I hate that I can't go visit. I may anyway. It was recommended by one of Margaret's therapist and I really liked the director when I spoke with her on the phone. Apparently, they take a lot of former preemies and are well versed with PT, OT, feeding problems etc. I really like that.

Next is to find someone to come in a do a little cleaning each week. We don't need much. Just a load or two of laundry, vacuuming, mopping, bathrooms, dusting every so often. I am blessed with a husband who likes to vacuum, cook, and do laundry. It will certainly be nice when I can do these things again, though.

I really miss cooking. I want my Thai coconut chicken so badly but no one makes it like me except one little hole in the wall place in San Luis Obispo, Cali. And I think takeout from there would be outside of our budget. I might try take out from our local place just to tide me over.

David brought home a pumpkin from the grocery store the other night and as soon as he showed it to Margaret, she squealed with absolute delight.

Of course, she first had to test it with her feet (example of hypersensitivity of her hands):


And then she could play with her hands!

Story of a Sick Monkey

As many of you already know, our Margaret had to be taken to the Emergency Room on Friday night because she was throwing up too much. It started pretty normally... she "spit up" her bottle each time during the day but then about 6 pm (just in time for Daddy to get home from work), she started increasing the frequency of her vomiting. By 8 pm she was throwing up every 10-15 minutes... we started to see bile. When I tried to give her water, she drank her two ounces eagerly. And then she threw it up. That was when I decided to take her to the ER. I was pretty sure she was not yet dehydrated but I didn't want to wait until she was... hoping to avoid having her admitted overnight.

By the time we got to the hospital, she was throwing up every five minutes and it was bright green. Poor baby was flirting with the nurses and doctors in her precious moments between vomiting. I could tell she felt awful.

She started getting IV fluids and Zofran at about 10:45pm and we were released at 1am when all her bloodwork came back that she was not dehydrated. It was scary and heart wrenching.

The next day she got a fever and the diarrhea began. Poor baby still isn't herself. Her eating has suffered greatly and she has lost TWO POUNDS. This really worries me because a) she didn't have much to spare and b) she has her 15 month pediatrician appointment soon. I'm afraid of her "falling off her curve" because of this episode.

Yeah, and forward facing? No time soon!

Here are some pics from Margaret's first ER trip. (silly Mommy)

Sick Baby


So Sleepy


Mommy forgot to bring my blankie... but found an ER one!


Baby IVs are no fun.

A Milestone of Sorts

Well, I made it. 22w6d. Officially the longest I've been pregnant with my amniotic sac still intact. Yesterday was one of the longest days of my life. But I made it. Now, I can focus on 24w- viability. Eight more long days.

Good News

I passed my 3 hour glucose tolerance test. I can't believe it. I have never passed it pregnant or not until now.

When the nurse told me, you could have knocked me over with a feather!

So now, baby is measuring so big because he is just that... a big boy! (est. 1 pound 6 ounces at 21w6d)

Video testing

Let's see if this works...

Little Girl, Growing Up

Last night when David was getting Margaret ready for bed, I came in for just a second to comb her hair a little. After a few strokes, she grabbed the comb from me and attempted to comb her own hair. I nearly fell over it was so cute.

We have also started a little pediasure in her bottle for extra calories. Even when I add just an ounce to her 8 ounce bottle, it still makes it so sweet and vanilla-y. The first time I put some in Margaret's bottle, she started drinking it and promptly rolled her eyes into the back of her head while keeping them half open. She drank her entire bottle this way... looked like she was in pure ecstasy. I haven't seen that expression since her last bottle of breastmilk.

Not Good

My peri appointment was rather disappointing and scary. He called my cervix shortened and recommended bedrest. My length now is 2.6 and my funneling has increased. He said at 24 weeks they will likely send me to the hospital for Celestone injections but will not put me on hospital bedrest until I get to 1.0.

He said his goal for this baby is 30 weeks. I'm so sad. I never wanted to see the inside of that NICU again.

My next appointment is in two weeks. This is going to be a long two weeks.

Eight days

I need a distraction. Things are pretty rough with me right now. I am 21w4d pregnant today and in eight long days, I will reach 22w5d. The point at which my water broke when I was pregnant with Margaret. I can't seem to get it all out of my head. Every day is taking forever because I keep going over what happened last time and worrying about the next couple of weeks.

I want to take it easy but that just makes it worse. I'm the type of person who likes to do things with my nervous energy. Just sitting around is making the days last too long.

And playing with Margaret (even though it is my favorite thing to do) is just a constant reminder of how my body failed her and may fail this baby too.

In trying to get some encouragement from my peri, I asked him when pPROM generally re-occur with subsequent pregnancies. I was hoping he would say, "usually earlier" so that I could at least feel some comfort in the upcoming weeks. But he said that usually they happen around the same time. No help there. Then he laughed and said he couldn't tell me that I was safe yet.

My next cervix check is on Wednesday afternoon. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and be 24 weeks. But we all know that won't happen. So instead, I'll just sit here and wish my days away.

How being a cheater hurts...

I have a terrible case of tendonitis in both thumbs. Not to mention the raging carpal tunnel I've had for years... But right now the right thumb is making it so hard to function. I have to grit my teeth when I pick up Margaret. I wear wrist braces at night and have to wrap my thumb so that it is also immobile. Still, I wake up frequently at night with dead hands and searing pain in my wrist. This is only supposed to get worse with pregnancy.

What can I take? Nothing, really. I take Tylenol but it does nothing at all. I can't take any anti-inflammatory meds during pregnancy. I wear my braces as much as I can.

What I can do: I can go to my orthopedist and get steroid injections in my wrists and thumbs. Why don't I, you ask? The reason is this: the drug they use for the injections is Celestone- the same drug they injected me with to mature Margaret's lungs when we were in the hospital. So, I'm trying to wait until I reach 24 weeks and the injections that I receive may serve a double duty. Maybe. If there is even the slightest chance it can help this new baby, then I'm going to wait it out. Only two weeks and six days.

Real Food

Finally, I am craving real food, not junk. Lately all I can think about is salad or meat or fruit. Feels so good to eat well again. I'm still eating some starches because they are easy but what I really want is yummy fresh veggies and fruit. Perfect timing, too, as I am getting my first glucose tolerance test on Friday. I'm sure I'll fail it. I don't think I have ever passed- pregnant or not. They are going to try an oral medication (different that the one I was on before) and see if that helps me before going to insulin. I'd really like to have as few needles in my life as possible.

Speaking of! Tomorrow is my second P17 shot. David will be giving me this one... I'll let you know how it goes. I'm sure we will do fine.

Margaret's other eye tooth STILL hasn't broken through. This time she isn't taking it too well. She will not eat (bottle) unless she is pumped with Tylenol or Motrin first. And solids? Forget it! She hasn't been this fussy since her UTI. This morning three solid hours of crying with tears. I felt so helpless. Since her nap she has been better and I'm hoping this tooth cuts through soon!

20 weeks

Twenty weeks today. Usually the halfway mark, I pray that I am no more than 66% done with my pregnancy.

At my Peri appt on Tuesday, Dr. Jakel gave me a prescription for a drug called P17 or hydroxyprogesterone. I will receive it by injection once a week... and I had my first injection this morning. Yow. My hip still hurts. The fun part is that David is going to have to give them to me. I was thinking that I could do it myself but the needle is just too long to do in my thigh. We will manage.

Margaret is doing something lately that I just have to mention. She is absolutely and completely obsessed with clocks- to the point that she can't eat if there is a clock in the room. She squeals with delight and grabs at my shirt while trying to launch herself out of my arms when she sees one. Her eyes get as round as saucers. I have no idea where this came from. It is the cutest!

Mixed Bag... Hmmm...

Perinatologist appt today was okay, I guess. A little scary, to be totally honest. Although my cervical length was still a good 3.4 cm, it was a funnelled internally. So I'm a little nervous. The doc said that since my length was still so long he wasn't too worried about it. Still.... I worry.

Make it five... almost six

Yep! One of Margaret's eye teeth popped through today and it is looking like the other will come through tomorrow. She has been a good baby other than the sleeplessness. Thank goodness. Mommy is tired.

I bought the new baby its first outfit this past weekend. It was not a preemie size or even a newborn size. I chose the 0-3.... living in everlasting optimism. I think all will be fine!

Vampira

My Mom left this morning after a much too short visit... they are always too short. I am comforted to know that when (if) we move, I will be able to see her much more often.

Unfortunately, Margaret had a couple of bad (sleepless, crying) nights while Mom was here. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what was going on with her until her second diaper change this morning. When I was eating her belly, I looked into her mouth and can see that her canine teeth (both of them) are trying to move in. Poor baby! Tonight I will give her some Motrin and I hope that will help her sleep some. (I am secretly happy that she seems to be getting both at the same time rather than individually...)

She may be getting bottom teeth, too. It is so hard to get a good look with a baby that is tactile defensive about her mouth.

Baby in utero has been kicking up a storm. I'm not sure if he is more active than Margaret or if I just know what to "feel" for. I'll be closing in on 20 weeks soon. I can't believe it is going so fast.

Laughed at by a stranger

Cashier at Target: (pointing to Margaret) Is that your baby?
Me: Yes.
Cashier: (glancing at David, Margaret, and then my belly) And you are pregnant again?
Me: Yes.
Cashier: (laughing with raised eyebrows) Congratulations!
Me: Thank you!

Do you want to know?

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BOY!

Moving?

It is looking more and more likely that our family will be moving soon. David has been interviewing with several companies and has gotten two very, very good offers that would involve moving. These also involve a career change that would have him spending 2-4 nights away from us every week. And although it would be nice to move away from here and closer to our families, I have some pretty big concerns.

#1 Margaret (of course)
Right now we have an understanding pediatrician. She has never made any comments about Margaret's weight even though she is less than 3% weight to height and technically "Failure to Thrive". I don't agree with the FTT diagnosis for most babies, especially preemies. And I'm afraid that it will be hard to find a pediatrician that feels the same way. I really worry about getting into a situation that a doctor makes me feel like I have to force feed Margaret again because she is thin for her height according to the ridiculous American growth charts. I guess if worse comes to worse, we will just have to visit lots of pediatricians to find one who has the same philosophies as I do about Margaret's weight.

#2 This New Monkey
I really worry about changing Perinatologist care in the middle of my pregnancy. The (much bigger) city we will be moving to will have plenty of top notch medical care for myself and any potential preemie... I guess I just get stuck in my ways. Luckily, my current Peri did his residency at a medical university in the new city and I'm sure will have plenty of references for me if we move. I really hate to leave his care, though. You all know how much I like him.

#3 Stress on my Husband and Marriage
I know that David will miss Margaret accutely when he has to spend time away from home. I hope it isn't too much for him. And although he is the best husband I could have ever dreamed of, I worry about the strain on our marriage because of spending so much time away from me. I love my family so much... there is nothing worth risking that.

#4 Stress of Moving on Me
I won't go into details... just the normal worries for someone who is pregnant for the first time after having a preemie.


I just hope that everything turns out fine...