Monday, October 09, 2006

Eight days

I need a distraction. Things are pretty rough with me right now. I am 21w4d pregnant today and in eight long days, I will reach 22w5d. The point at which my water broke when I was pregnant with Margaret. I can't seem to get it all out of my head. Every day is taking forever because I keep going over what happened last time and worrying about the next couple of weeks.

I want to take it easy but that just makes it worse. I'm the type of person who likes to do things with my nervous energy. Just sitting around is making the days last too long.

And playing with Margaret (even though it is my favorite thing to do) is just a constant reminder of how my body failed her and may fail this baby too.

In trying to get some encouragement from my peri, I asked him when pPROM generally re-occur with subsequent pregnancies. I was hoping he would say, "usually earlier" so that I could at least feel some comfort in the upcoming weeks. But he said that usually they happen around the same time. No help there. Then he laughed and said he couldn't tell me that I was safe yet.

My next cervix check is on Wednesday afternoon. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and be 24 weeks. But we all know that won't happen. So instead, I'll just sit here and wish my days away.

4 comments:

tiffany said...

Oh Lisa I'm sorry you are so nervous. I can imagine being the same if we were pregnant again.

Hang in there and remember the odds are in your favor! Wish we lived closer to come by and take your mind off of it.

Margaret said...

If you could distract yourself with something. Reading fiction does it for me but not sure what might work for you. Should I call you more? How about a visit from me? Let's plan one, ok?

Vicki said...

Lisa,

Just remember your mental state is very important to your overall well being, which includes baby making. I do this little thing which helps me alot. I take a positive verbal statement like, "My baby is well, I am well, and he will go full term." I say this statement to myself everytime I start to think of the situation. What happens is you will start to believe this, and it will definitely help. I try to say this in the mirror too. I repeat it over and over for at least five minutes at a time.

I don't sleep much, and when I give myself a positive statement, I do sleep a full night. Please try it even if it sounds hokey.

Much love,

Aunt Vicki

Kellie said...

Big (((HUGS))) and prayers coming your way as always Lisa. I know all too well how stressful waiting and wondering if PROM is going to happen is. You are doing everything in your power to keep that handsome little monkey healthy and happy inside mommy. I have felt strongly all along since you told all of *us* that you were pregnant again that this one would go full term. I know that sounds hokey but I knew from the beginning with Eli that he would be premature AND earlier than Carson.

We are all praying for you and the little monkey. He is loved and has an amazing mommy who is going through a tough time right now. Once you pass "the date" with Margaret, I'm sure you will breathe a bit of a sigh of relief. Hang in there for the next few days and look at your first little monkey's beautiful face as a reminder to why you are going through all of the suppliments, injections, worrying, and countdowns. If you need to talk or a shoulder to lean on from someone who has been through pPROM (x2), I'm here.